


Antithesis

by LittlePanduh



Series: Littlepanduh's 365 Challenge [5]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Art, Closure, Crack, F/F, Minor Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Minor Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip, Opposites, comicrelief!2jin, ex-artstudent!vivi, heejin is a closeted weeaboo, roomates!heevi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24819862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlePanduh/pseuds/LittlePanduh
Summary: Vivi may have given up a dream, but she was given a beautiful reality.orAfter giving up her dream, Vivi throws away her artwork. Haseul doesn't know the artist behind the canvas on her wall. Vivi finally finds closure.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin & Viian Wong | ViVi, Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin, Jo Haseul/Viian Wong | ViVi
Series: Littlepanduh's 365 Challenge [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609561
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	Antithesis

**Author's Note:**

> howdy doo~ 
> 
> In honor of #loonacon2020, I present to you a Viseul piece I've been working on. It's part of my challenge that isn't going well, but I will persist. I hope you guys like it!

“Vivi- _unnie_ , are you really throwing all of this out?”

The international student opens another portfolio and empties the contents on her bed. Many colorful pieces of contemporary art decorate the sheets. She picks through about 8 pieces, remembering the long nights and spouts of inspiration.

Vivi thumbs at a specific piece that represented her mind map in the form of a self-portrait. Initially, she sets that composition aside to a pile of pieces that she was going to keep. The attachment she was trying to remove slowly crept in. It was hard to let go of the 5 hours she spent recreating a sunset in her hometown or the blood she actually spilled when trying to express passion.

For the nth time that day, Vivi shakes her head.

It was just one class’s worth of work. It’s just a grade.

She hates it anyways. It’s not her best art. There’s better ones anyways.

That’s what she was trying to tell herself.

She decides to throw away all the pieces. Contemporary art wasn’t her favorite style and there’s a lot of self-portraits and pieces inspired by her hometown that she could keep.

“ _Unnie_.”

Vivi has been ignoring her roommate for the past twenty minutes.

Quite honestly, she’s been ignoring her for the past few days. They had already fought during the first day that Vivi announced her educational shift. She wasn’t sure if she could be emotionally stable to have a conversation with Heejin.

Heejin crosses her arms and leans against the door frame. She sighs looking at her poor roommate. “ _Unnie_ ,” she calls again.

The two weren’t exactly close. The only reason why they were roommates was a mistake by the housing department. Heejin was supposed to be rooming with other freshmen and Vivi was supposed to be rooming with other international students. Nonetheless, they were considerate of each other and at least could bond over the major classes they shared together. They shared pots and pans together and they may or may not have shared a partner or two together.

Heejin tries to look for words, but she can’t find any. She had no idea what the elder was going through and it pained her.

Vivi opens a telescoping tube and takes out a few prints. They’re final prints of probably the most difficult class she has taken, mostly because graphic design was something she didn’t really have a good grasp on. This time she doesn’t even bother looking through it and throws it in the trash pile.

_Only two more bags to go through._

The elder sighs, thinking about how far she’s come, not just with her education, but by sorting through all of her compositions.

After this, it will really be the end.

It left a bitter taste in Vivi’s mouth: travelling to another country to chase your dream, only for it to fall through after two years.

She still didn’t know what she was going to do about it. Should she go home? Should she take a gap year? Right now, she has just planned on switching to a more “practical” major. It’s just that she’s not sure if it’ll really satisfy her.

Vivi shakes her head. Her future may be uncertain, but the present is clear and she needs to deal with it as quickly as possible or it’ll hurt more.

The process repeats again. Vivi looks through all of her pieces. She remembers the emotions or the story behind it again. There’s a desire to keep all of her work, but remembers that it’ll just collect dust and that no one else will see it, so she decides to trash all of them, save one or two.

The first bag contains a lot of portraits. The second bag contains a lot of nature and still life pieces. Vivi dreads over many foregrounds of Hong Kong night markets and city skylines. She shakes her head again, thinking that she can always see the real thing in pictures or whenever she goes home.

_That’s it._

The ex-art student looks at the pile of pieces she wants to keep. It’s still a large and unorganized pile. Maybe she’ll look through it tomorrow.

She starts putting the “saved” art in a portfolio. It feels incomplete, but she knows she can’t do anything about it.

Heejin finally walks in. Vivi lets her be. Now that she’s done sorting through all of her work, she knows she won’t emotionally explode on her roommate.

“Are you really throwing this away?” Heejin holds up a still life piece. It had a beautiful spring background with a very detailed deer as the foreground.

Vivi peers behind her back. She remembers having to do so much research about the anatomy of the animal. It was the only time in her college career that she had spent so much time at the library instead of the studio.

“It’s nothing special.”

“It kinda looks like you though.”

Vivi stiffens at the comment and quickly turns back around. She remembers during one of her evaluations, one of her professors said the same thing. It was the personal touch that won her first place at the showcase.

_All the awards and recognition, yet it wasn’t enough._

“It’s nothing special,” Vivi repeats. “I didn’t like it anyways. It doesn’t really look like the actual thing.”

Heejin sighs again. All, if not most, art students hate their art, even if it looks museum-worthy. Sure, Vivi’s technique has definitely improved and she has found her style, but that doesn’t mean her old work was terrible.

She glances at all of her roommate’s work, thinking that everything she made should actually be part of an exhibit. The future curator in her already plans multiple themes and which piece will be next to each other.

Gasping, she picks up another piece. “You can’t trash this one.” It’s another side portrait of Vivi, this one highlighting the pink hair she entered school with. Behind her figure featured many things from her hometown such as her favorite childhood games, food, and the city skyline she saw from a hiking trip. In front of her was her then-future, which showcased things she wanted to try and places she wanted to go to.

Vivi remembers talking to Heejin about this piece. It was one of her first final submissions which Heejin saw in a showcase during her orientation. It was a piece she was going to recreate when she graduated.

At this point, Vivi was going numb thinking about the bits in pieces of her life in the form of art. She was tired of fighting with herself. There’s no way she can move on if she keeps too many things from the past.

“I have a few self-portraits of me that I’m keeping. I also have a lot of work that pays homage to my hometown. This is just another one of them.” She grabs the canvas from Heejin and adds it to the top of her trash pile. “This one’s not even good.” Thinking that there’s no point in recreating it, the burning desire to discard it only grew stronger. “In fact, I hate it.”

Heejin knows Vivi is lying. She keeps repeating the same thing. “ _‘It’s not that good.’ ‘I hate it.’_ As much as it frustrates her, she knows Vivi is going through some sort of mourning and let’s her be.

Vivi collects half of the pieces that she’s going to trash. The pile is too thick so she’ll have to make a second trip.

Her roommate stands in front of her and grabs her hands. It’s a little too much for Vivi.

“It’s pointless, Heejin. My application to switch majors has been accepted.” A tear falls down and she feels herself choking up. “I have to let go of these things.”

As much as Heejin wants to tell Vivi to slow down or reconsider this decision, she understands that this is difficult for her. She wants to comfort her and tell her things will be okay in the end, but she knows it’ll just be empty statements.

“At least let me help you. You’ve been dwelling in your studio for too long. You don’t deserve to bury your children so many times.”

Although Vivi initially wanted to go through this process alone, she finds comfort in Heejin’s gesture. She slides the pile of parchment and canvases to Heejin who offers a soft smile.

“Thank you, Heejin.”

* * *

The next semester.

* * *

“Vivi- _unnie_ , you have to join me at this party.” Heejin begs her roommate.

The now-communications major just rolls her eyes and begins typing away for another paper she was writing. “Why? So I can be another topic of conversation for all the girls you flirt with?” It’s another one of those moments where Vivi questions why she agreed to be roommates with Heejin for another year. They’ve gotten closer, but she doesn’t really like how Heejin drags her to social outings.

Heejin bites her lips, partially guilty of the accusation Vivi made. “I’m just trying to introduce you to some new people, _unnie_.”

“I appreciate the concern, but I’d rather not be invited to another threesome with you.” She begins typing away to her report. “Or find out that we’ve slept with the same girl.”

The art student visibly cringes at that memory. She admits that she brings Vivi because she knew her friends would find her interesting. She just didn’t think they would be that interested in her to include her in other activities.

“It’s a little different this time.” Heejin scratches the back of her head. “I need help.”

“Help with what, Heejin? Honestly, you’re already an interesting person as it is and it always looks like you have girls lining up to hook up with you.” Vivi stands up from the kitchen table and begins heading to her room. Even though she was very uninterested in her paper, she decides maybe she’ll finish it tonight.

Heejin goes straight to her room and blocks the entry with both her hands. Vivi gives an unimpressed look.

“Look,” Heejin stressfully brushes a hand through her hair. “There’s this girl that I’ve been talking to a lot and, and,” she clenches both of her fists, “I don’t know! I just freeze up when I talk to her! Please, _unnie_!”

“Just take a shot before you talk to her.” Vivi turns around and heads back to their kitchen. Maybe she’ll go on campus and finish her work. There, she can easily escape the party and Heejin’s pleads.

Nonetheless, Heejin persisted. “ _Unnie_ , please.” She grabs Vivi’s forearm. Vivi responds with an irritated look, but softens up at the desperation in Heejin’s eyes.

“Look, I think I like Hyunjin. I really want to talk to her, but every time I do, I always say something stupid.” Heejin takes a deep breath. “It’s embarrassing to say this, but I really need help.”

Vivi’s laptop goes to sleep for being idle so long. She takes it as a sign.

“Fine.”

\--

Parties were never Vivi’s thing. She read a lot about artists who experimented while under the influence, but she hated social drinking. Whether it was sweaty bodies cramped in a house or conceited beings at a gallery opening, she never liked the feeling.

There’s really only two things to do at a college party: get drunk or flirt with people. Vivi doesn’t like getting drunk and she's not in the mood to flirt. It’s a little primitive for her, at this point, to be flirting with someone at a party, especially since this is her fifth year in a university. Still, she remembers she’s here to help her roommate, not find someone to warm up to in bed.

She was currently sitting in a circle with Heejin, Hyunjin, and a few other girls. Heejin was having the blandest conversation with Hyunjin and Vivi was starting to think that she didn’t have enough alcohol in her system to keep her sane. Vivi tried so hard to engage both of them in any sort of discussion, but she was growing tired of carrying the conversation. Joowon, one of their friends, was being more social and having decent conversation with Vivi, but that wasn’t the purpose of tonight.

She knew Heejin could do so much better in terms of flirting. She wonders what’s so special about this Hyunjin girl that causes the social fuckboy in Heejin to turn into a cautious wallflower. Nonetheless, she doesn’t ignore the sparkle in Heejin’s eyes while Hyunjin talked. Vivi is entertained at how Heejin became such a useless gay, but is frustrated as her wingwoman.

The two had finished a conversation and Vivi could tell because none of them were talking. Hyunjin checks her phone. Vivi notices a familiar caricature on her phone case.

“Hyunjin, I’ve never noticed this before, but is that Luffy on your phone,” Vivi asks?

Three pairs of eyes dart at a chibi straw-hatted character.

“Yeah. I really like One Piece,” Hyunjin shyly smiles.

_Bingo._

“Oh, really? Heejin really likes anime,” Vivi smiles a little too teasingly.

Heejin’s eyes widen. She nervously takes a sip of an empty cup, eyeing her roommate.

“Really? I would not have expected that of Jeon.” Jungeun, one of the girls that had shamelessly asked Vivi for a threesome with Heejin, joined the conversation.

Heejin grabs Vivi’s thigh, but Vivi knew this was definitely a win on multiple ends. Heejin and Hyunjin can finally have an in-depth conversation. Heejin can finally shed her weeb self instead of the heartthrob she claims to be. Vivi can finally seek revenge for having to go to this party by watching her roommate basically die of embarrassment (but win Hyunjin’s heart at the same time).

It’ll work out in the end. She notices how Hyunjin is genuinely interested in the topic and it seems that they are finally breaking the surface. Vivi knows Heejin can go off about anime so they can probably talk all night.

“Trust me. If she’s not going to parties, she’s binge-watching Naruto for the third time _this semester_.” Vivi takes a sip of her punch, which Heejin squeezes her thigh.

Hyunjin’s jaw drops. “Three times? Isn’t there like 700 episodes?”

“Uh,” Heejin scrambles for a response, “It’s not that b—. You know One Piece has more—. _Unnie_ is just exaggerating. I probably only watch it once a semester.”

Vivi bites the inside of her cheek to contain her laughter. Maybe it was unfair to out Heejin’s weeaboo-ness, but this was definitely a sight to see. It was bound to come out sooner or later, especially since anime was the only reason why Heejin really wanted to pursue this career path. If Hyunjin’s the second person, after Vivi, to learn about this and won't leave her, she’s probably the one.

“What do you think is the most powerful jutsu? Infinite Tsukuyomi or Amenominaka?”

Vivi knew that was her cue to leave. She’s only watched probably a dozen episodes with Heejin and listened to many of her rants even if they don’t make sense. She knows she has no say in this conversation and that Heejin will be fine on her own for a while.

“I’m going to refill my drink.” Vivi grabs the hand on her thigh and stands up. Heejin grips her hand and gives her puppy dog eyes, begging her to stay. The Hong Kong native just gives her a reassuring glance and squeezes her hand.

She crouches over and leans into Heejin’s ear. “Just be your dorky self. She’ll like it.”

Heejin cups a hand around Vivi’s ear. “What if I can’t control myself? I’m like four shots deep.”

Vivi just giggles and lets her be. She’s 99% sure that everything was going to turn out for the better.

Finally, Vivi escapes the circle. She initially heads to the kitchen for some water, but is met by too many bodies. It was difficult to maneuver to a water source so she found herself outside to get some fresh air.

There were a few pairs out on the patio deck. Vivi decides to lean on the rails, keeping to herself. She wonders how long she’s been at this party and how much longer she and Heejin were going to stay. Although she had fun seeing Heejin panic about her social status, she’d rather be home…

Instead of alcohol, she’d rather sit on her bed with her sketchbook as her escape.

For some odd reason, she’s brainstorming chibi versions of Heejin and Hyunjin. She’s not experienced in animation or manga style drawing, but she planned out the panels. A flashy, yet shy Heejin. An attentive Hyunjin. Drunk Heejin going off. Everyone is engrossed in her TEDTalk about why Buroto is better than Naruto. Maybe a few judgemental looks from their friends. Hyunjin just stares at Heejin in admiration.

Then “To be continued”.

“You doing okay?”

Vivi didn’t realize she dropped her head to her hands. Maybe the alcohol was getting to her. She lifts her head to see the owner of the voice.

She had no idea who was the lady at her side. It took a while for her to register the fact that she had to respond to her question.

“Uh, yeah,” Vivi says in a low voice. “Just trying to get some air. Escape the scene.”

The other woman giggles. It sounds very euphonious to Vivi’s ears.

“Okay. Just wanted to make sure. I thought you were going to black out on the deck for a second.” The short-haired lady leans her back on the railing and crosses her arms.

Vivi decides to stand up straight. She clears her throat and takes a deep breath. Why did she feel dizzy all of a sudden? She’s only had a cup of the punch.

“So what brings you out here,” Vivi asks?

The stranger smiles. Vivi admires the contours of her jaw and nose. “Same reason as you.”

Vivi looks at her cups and swirls it around. She was feeling really warm and she knows it’s not the alcohol.

“I’m Haseul by the way.”

Vivi turns back to the mysterious lady. Haseul had her head tipped to the side.

For a moment, Vivi wonders if Haseul is a model. No one else looks that good posing as simply as her.

_Actually, she can’t be a model. She’s way too short._

_Also, she has monolids._

_Somehow, she seems prettier than all of the muses I’ve had to learn about._

“I’m Vivi.”

“Vivi,” Haseul repeats, and Vivi likes the way her name rolls out of Haseul’s lips, “I haven’t seen you around here.”

“I’m studying Communications. I just switched majors though. I was an art student before.” Vivi doesn’t know why she’s being so open about herself.

“I’m a Music major. We’re in the same department, but you don’t look familiar at all. What year are you?”

“Well, this is technically my first year in communications. I did two years in art. I also studied in Hong Kong for two years. With all the transferred credits, I qualify to be a third year.” Vivi shrugs. “I guess you can say I’m a fifth year?”

Haseul giggles again. Vivi can feel her cheeks warming up. She’s not sure if it’s from embarrassment from rambling or how that cute melody makes her giddy.

“Hong Kong, you say?”

\--

Heejin was the one worried about saying stupid things and spitting word vomit.

Vivi should have been worried, too.

Soon enough she had told this Haseul about her academic path. She talked about her hometown. She even talked about Heejin.

Haseul reciprocated the effort in the conversation. Vivi learned about Haseul’s passion in opera. She learned about her pet dog and how she’s also studied abroad in the United States and Germany.

Vivi didn’t know why she was talking so much. Haseul just seemed like an easy person to talk to. At first, Haseul was just a distraction from Heejin’s anime talk, but Vivi didn’t want to stop talking to Haseul. They talked about places Vivi wanted to visit in Korea and Haseul kept giving her recommendations, whether it was food or activities. Haseul started rambling about things she didn’t like in their department. Heck, Vivi randomly started talking about how she was craving _jokbal_ for some odd reason.

Six couples outside became one. One hour became two. Two drinks became four.

It’s 3AM and 16 degrees Celsius before Vivi realizes how long they’ve been outside. Suddenly, she remembers that she came here to be Heejin’s wingwoman and now she doesn’t even know where her roommate is. Vivi frantically pulls out her phone, but doesn’t see any notifications from Heejin or any of their acquaintances.

“Is everything okay?” Haseul was taken aback by the sudden action. They just finished talking about their favorite winter activities.

“Sorry.” Vivi puts down her phone and looks back up to Haseul. It’s laughable how she’s worried about the safety of her roommate, but is tempted to just stay and talk with Haseul all night. Shifting back to reality, she thinks of Hyunjin and what she might’ve done to Heejin. “I’d love to talk more, but I need to check on my roommate.”

Haseul gives an equally concerned look. “Oh, no. That’s understandable. Do you want me to help you look for her?”

They turned to the house and saw that it was significantly less crowded than it was a few hours ago.

Vivi enters the house and looks through her phone to find a picture of Heejin. “She looks like this.”

Haseul also enters the house and starts picking up trash. After she catches up to Vivi, she takes a good look at the picture.

At this point, there were only a few people in the house. They were either congregating near the foyer or passed out on the furniture. There was no sign of Heejin or Hyunjin.

Vivi tries calling Heejin, but doesn’t receive a response.

“Soul,” Haseul calls out!

A tall lady with jet black hair turns around. “Oh! Haseul! We’ve been looking for you. You missed out on possibly the most entertaining fight I’ve seen since we were sophomores!”

Haseul shakes her head. “Tell me about it later. Have you seen this girl?” She calls Vivi over to show the picture of Heejin.

“Haseullie!” Another tall girl with shoulder-length hair enters the room. She’s holding cups and beer cans which she empties in the kitchen sink. “I saw your room was unoccupied, so I let two girls rest in there. I hope you don’t mind.”

_Haseul lives here?_

_Explains why she was out so long._

_And I thought it was because she liked my..._

_Get a grip, Vivi. Find Heejin._

Haseul shakes her head. “I’m used to it by now. As long as they don’t yack on my bed.”

“I don’t think they’re drunk. One of the girls got in a fight with Jiwoo. I think the other girl is her girlfriend. I feel sorry for the kid.”

“Your girlfriend got in a fight? Soo, you need to stop flirting with random girls,” Haseul scolded her.

“I didn’t even do anything! I just heard yelling about how the Hokage lineage is corrupted with nepotism and I thought I heard a wall break. I came rushing in, but everyone was cheering on a fight.”

_Hokage lineage?_

_Oh, no._

‘Soul’ sighs. “I hope we don’t get in trouble for this. I don’t need the department on our ass again. We’re this close to graduating.”

“At least the wall isn’t broken. I’ll make sure Jiwoo apologizes, whether it was her fault or not. I’d prefer not to write a police report when we already received two noise complaints. We can talk about damage control in the morning.”

“Um. Excuse me, but did the girl who got in a fight look like this?” Vivi shows a picture of Heejin.

'Soul' and 'Soo' take a look at the picture. 'Soo' is the one who responds. “Yeah! She’s the one in Haseul’s room right now!”

Haseul looks at Vivi. Vivi just gives a guilty look, not ready to explain her side of the story.

\--

After an explosion of apologies, Haseul gracefully brings Vivi to her room. Jinsoul, formerly known as 'Soul', tagged along to check up on the girls.

Jinsoul pats Vivi on the back. “Look you don’t have to apologize anymore. It was a pretty entertaining fight. I mean, it must suck for your roommate, but at least it wasn’t too bad.”

Vivi stops in her tracks, thankful that it didn’t get worse, but frustrated that Heejin got in a physical fight over an anime she obsesses over. She rubs both of her temples. “It’s just… Heejin… She’s competitive, but she’s never done anything like this. I’m sorry. I know you said I don’t need to apologize, but… I’m sorry.”

Haseul’s giggle soothes her. “Trust me. I’d rather have an injured girl in my bed than rushing someone to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.”

“We’re sorry we couldn’t control the situation sooner. We’ll help her as much as we can.” Jinsoul tries to console.

Vivi shakes her head. “No. It’s your party and there were a lot of people. This was definitely a freak accident.” She then turns to Haseul. “Thanks for letting her stay in your room.”

“Don’t even mention it.” Haseul waves her off.

They finally reach Haseul’s room at the end of the hallway. It’s a small and cosy room. Vivi sees Hyunjin partially passed out on the bed and sitting on the floor, an ice pack in her hand, but her hand resting on Heejin’s chest. When she sees the black eye and dry blood on Heejin’s lip, Vivi feels herself coming undone.

“Jeon Heejin! I can’t believe you got in a stupid fight over Naruto!”

Hyunjin seems to wake up. She makes an unpleasant face from the ruckus and lack of sleep.

“I know you wanted me to stay to make sure you weren’t going to say anything stupid, but did you really have to get yourself in a fight? You don’t even want to join a dance battle even though you’re a dancer!” Vivi did not hold back.

Heejin seems to wake up, too. She groans in pain. “Oh, hey, _unnie_. I missed you at the party,” she sheepishly smiles.

“Explain yourself, Jeon, or I’m burning your manga collection.” Vivi was unhinged at this point.

The injured art student pouts. Hyunjin repositions the ice pack over her eye and speaks up for her. “It wasn’t really Heejin’s fault. Jiwoo was the one who tackled her. I swear. There were like a hundred people who witnessed it. I’m sure there’s videos, too.”

Jinsoul sighs, thinking of all the mass text messages and social media posting she’s going to have to do.

“I’m sorry, _unnie_ , but this girl was saying that Naruto didn’t deserve to be Hokage. Hyunjin disagreed and I had to defend her because she was right. I just tried to be neutral because we’re watching this only from Naruto’s point of view so of course we’re going to see his flaws, which happen to be a lot of them!”

Hyunjin pouts at Heejin. “Don’t bring me into this. I didn’t ask you to fight for me! You got hurt because of this!”

Heejin smiles at Hyunjin’s concerned tone.

Vivi pinches the bridge of her nose. She feels her stomach churning.

So it wasn’t just anime.

It was for Hyunjin, too?

To everyone’s surprise, Vivi starts screaming expletives in Cantonese. Even Sooyoung peeped her head at the door, shocked of the angry sounds in a foreign language.

“Wow. I really did fuck up.” Heejin mumbles. She sits up and groans in pain. “I’m really sorry, _unnie_. You know me. I don’t really talk about anime. It all just came out. I really didn’t think it would escalate this much. Please don’t burn my manga collection.”

Vivi takes a few deep breaths.

Haseul takes a step towards the angry lady. “Vivi, I know you’re mad, but let your roommate rest. It’s really all okay.”

Just from hearing her voice, Vivi wants to apologize for letting everyone see and hear her blow up. She crosses her arms and slowly turns to the door.

Vivi has already prepared the words of forgiveness in her head. She emotionally prepares herself to let this go and face the consequences tomorrow. She’ll get through the embarrassment.

What she’s not ready for is to see a familiar piece of canvas on her wall.

It was a rose. Fire surrounded it.

Red.

Passion.

Dark red droplets are at the stem of the rose. Except it’s actual blood.

Vivi’s blood.

And right below that piece was one that showed Hong Kong’s city skyline from Victoria Peak, the food at Jejudo, a pink-haired girl, and much, much more.

“Hey, Vivi. It’s pretty late. You’re welcome to stay the night. We host parties like this more frequently than we’d like to admit. We’re used to people staying over.” Jinsoul shyly says from the hallway. She felt uneasy about Vivi’s sudden quietness.

“Yeah. I think Heejin should rest here as well. I’ll make sure Jiwoo apologizes to her in person.” Sooyoung adds.

Vivi tears her gaze away from her art. She looks at Haseul, who’s just smiling at her.

* * *

Vivi’s slightly disappointed that Jinsoul is the one to wake her up, but is comforted knowing that Haseul was the one that helped make breakfast.

“Hey, I’m really sorry about last night,” Jiwoo announces across the dining table. Her voice is very scratchy. “I know it’s a lame excuse, but I was really drunk last night.”

Heejin’s face is swollen, making her smile a little more pitiful. “No worries. It was kinda fun to have a heated argument about anime. I usually only talk about it on online forums or rant about it to Vivi- _unnie_.” Hyunjin has been giving her a concerned look this entire morning.

“We should have a more civil conversation over coffee or something,” Jiwoo offers.

Heejin nods. “I’d like that.” She then turns to Hyunjin. “Maybe we can talk about One Piece, too?”

Hyunjin shyly smiles.

Vivi can’t help but grin at the interaction. Things did work out, even if it started off a little messy.

To Vivi’s surprise, Haseul sits next to her. It feels like she’s too close, but maybe Vivi is paranoid about what happened last night, especially her outburst.

“How’s breakfast,” Haseul asks?

Vivi offers a larger smile and nods. “I like it! It’s hangover soup, right?”

The melodious chuckle returns. It makes Vivi’s heart race and she wishes she had alcohol to excuse these reactions. “Yeah. Before every big party, we usually cook a large batch the day before and put it in the fridge. Sorry it’s not fresh.”

Vivi shakes her head rather enthusiastically. “No, it’s really good! I’ve ordered some before and it’s nowhere as good as this!” She takes another sip, rather a chug, and gives a thumbs up.

This time Haseul gives a hearty laugh. Vivi can feel a rush of serotonin. “You don’t have to be so dramatic.”

Vivi thinks Haseul’s smile will be ingrained in her head forever. She desperately wants to find a sketchpad and add Haseul’s profile to her collection.

Speaking of art…

“You’re lucky. This is the only thing Haseul know’s how to cook. She’s absolutely hopeless when it comes to anything else,” Sooyoung sits next to Jiwoo.

“Hey! I make pretty good curry!” Haseul pouts at Sooyoung. Jiwoo and Jinsoul give mischievous looks.

“Seul, every college student can make curry. Anyways, yours is always really bland. All you put is potatoes, carrots, and chicken. You don’t even put onions or coconut milk or rice vinegar.” Jinsoul provokingly gapes at Haseul.

Haseul scoffs. “Be thankful, both of you.” She points her spoon at her roommates. “Out of all the people in the room, both your girlfriends need this soup the most.”

The long-haired girl backed off and continued feeding breakfast to a very hungover Jungeun.

“Thank you, Haseullie!” Even though they were at opposite ends of the table, Jiwoo’s high pitched voice made Jungeun groan in pain.

While Jinsoul babied Jungeun, Vivi shot a look at Heejin. They telepathically agreed to keep mum about the rather… eventful night they shared.

“Does anyone want seconds? I’m getting another bowl. We still have a lot. Don’t be shy.” Sooyoung stands up from the table.

“Me please!” Jiwoo passes her bowl to Sooyoung.

“Me, too, please.” Hyunjin also passes her bowl down.

“Anyone else?”

It was comfortable. They were eating together as if they had all known each other for the past two years.

Jinsoul mentioned that they do this often? Are they usually this welcoming and homey? Or is this part of the damage control?

How many people have eaten Haseul’s hangover soup?

How many people have slept in Haseul’s bed?

How many people have seen Vivi’s art on Haseul’s wall?

_How did it even get there?_

“Is something wrong?” Haseul sounded a little discouraged.

Vivi quickly snaps out of it and chuckles nervously. “Maybe I did eat a little too quickly. It’s just so good.”

“What the heck.” Heejin says under her breath. Vivi just gives her a sharp look.

The eight of them continue to have conversation, finally getting to know about each other in a more relaxed and sober state. Apparently, Sooyoung is one of the captains of the dance team and the party they attended was to celebrate another performance. Jinsoul is on the swim team (with Jungeun) and Haseul is in choir and they tend to throw their own kickbacks during main events, which is why they said “this happens often”. Jiwoo is in choir with Haseul, but is now dating Sooyoung. Hyunjin is also on the dance team and regularly attends these parties, which is how she met Heejin. (However, Heejin only met Hyunjin because Jungeun invited her to a party, but we just say that an acquaintance invited her, but she doesn’t remember them anymore). Sooyoung tells Heejin she overhead Vivi yelling about her being a dancer and convinces her to audition for the team next semester.

It was interesting to see how everyone knew each other despite meeting each other last night.

Sure, it was a small world, but Vivi didn’t understand how her art ended up on Haseul’s wall.

“As much as I’d love to stay, I have a paper due at midnight,” Hyunjin announces.

Heejin looks at Vivi. “Yeah. We’ve extended our stay far too long. Thanks again for letting us stay the night and taking care of us.” Hyunjin takes everyone’s bowls and heads to the sink.

“Sorry, again, about the black eye.” Jiwoo scratches the back of her head.

“Let’s just never speak about how I got the black eye and I’ll consider it forgotten.” The pitiful smile appears again.

Sooyoung sighs, resulting in Jiwoo grabbing her hand. “As relieving as that sounds, we cannot make any promises about the 113 people who posted it on Twitter.”

Haseul and Jinsoul bitterly sigh at the number. They weren’t sure if they could cover this one up.

Sooyoung still smiles though. “Still, it’s good that you’re okay and that we’ve cleared any misunderstandings.” She let’s go of Jiwoo’s hands to check the time. “Would you guys like me to drive you home?”

“I’d appreciate that.” Heejin then looks at Vivi. As much as Vivi didn’t want to burden them any further, that black eye made Vivi feel sympathetic.

“Let us at least help you clean before we head out,” Heejin added.

Jinsoul and Haseul stood up and picked up everyone’s cups and utensils. “No. You are our guests. Like I said, we do this often. We’re prepared for this.”

Hyunjin put a hand on Heejin’s shoulder as a gesture to stay put. She then grabs the utensils out of Haseul’s hands. “Let us at least wash the dishes.”

Haseul smiles and obliges. She never liked doing chores anyways. Jinsoul scolds her, but she moves onto clearing the table.

Vivi helps wipe down the table and put away the food.

She stays near Haseul. She wants to ask her how and why she has her art on her wall.

She also wants to know what Haseul thinks about it.

With five people working, she didn’t get the chance since the kitchen was cleaned in 10 minutes. They start moving to the living room, but Haseul stops them.

“You really don’t have to help us. Sooyoung probably has her car ready, so just hang tight.” Haseul offers a comforting smile, but Vivi still felt uneasy.

Vivi had no idea how to bring up the painting. Other than that, because her mind was preoccupied by her paintings, she couldn’t tell if Haseul had any interest in _her_. She was starting to think that Haseul was only being a welcoming host and nothing more.

_Maybe it’s best to leave like this._

_They were supposed to be thrown away anyway._

_I can always meet Haseul at another party. I’ll ask Jungeun to invite me or something._

_There’s no point bringing it up._

It seems that Vivi was right. Sooyoung was ready to drive them home. Haseul was not there to send them off.

Vivi wonders if last night meant nothing to Haseul. She wonders if Haseul was scared of how Vivi blew up. A part of her wants to scold Heejin for bringing her to the party because now she regrets even the highlight of last night, but she doesn’t have any energy.

“Oh! I forgot my jacket in Haseul’s room!” Heejin announces as Vivi almost enters the car.

In a split second, Vivi sees this as an opportunity. “I’ll get it.” She then turns to Sooyoung. “Do you mind waiting for me?”

Sooyoung nods. “I still have to navigate my stops. Take your time.”

Vivi hopes to run into Haseul, but is unlucky once again. She thinks Haseul may have gone to rest. The door is closed and she’s not prepared to confront Haseul. To calm down, she reminds herself that she’s only here to get Heejin’s jacket.

To her disappointment, Haseul is not in the room. She sees Heejin’s jacket on the floor and quickly grabs it. For a moment, she considers looking for Haseul—maybe asking for her number—but ends up cowering away.

_Maybe if they see each other at another party, it’ll be a sign to make a move._

Vivi turns around. Just like last night, the rose and the pink-haired girl on the wall catch her attention.

She walks closer to the pieces, wondering if it was real or not.

There was a tugging feeling in her head. There was a memory of her cutting her hand and the blood dripping on the canvas. She tried to pat it away, but the color blended well. She liked it so she kept it.

Vivi tries to shut it out.

There’s another memory of her high school retreat to Victoria Peak. They all vowed to return together. She misses her friends and wonders how they’re doing.

**No.**

She’s about to leave until Haseul walks in.

“Oh! Vivi! What are you doing here? Did you forget something?” Haseul then turns her gaze to the art that she was staring at.

She stops next to Vivi and crosses her arms, admiring it. “Don’t you think they’re pretty?”

Vivi wants to scoff at the simple compliment. “Yeah,” she dryly responds. A lot of thoughts rush through her head. She wanted to tell Haseul about the inspiration for both pieces. She wanted to tell her that the _jokbal_ she was craving last night was the food in that picture. She wanted to tell Haseul that Heejin tried to convince her not to throw these away. She wanted to tell Haseul she was the artist and that she wonders if there’s more meaning to her than them being pretty since they’re on her wall.

Vivi didn’t realize she wanted any of this.

She wanted it so bad.

She couldn’t deny it anymore.

Could she handle holding it in though?

“Did you paint it yourself?” She tries not to be suspicious.

Haseul shakes her head. “I wish. I was in charge of taking out trash after a student performance and saw them by the dumpster.”

Vivi suddenly remembers having to drive to the dumpster near their department building because waste bins at their dorm were too small.

“Honestly, I saw a lot of work there. I was wondering if the art department was throwing away old work from a showcase. I wanted to sort through them, but it was a lot. I liked these two though.”

Vivi was touched, thinking that someone was willing to keep her art. Someone didn’t see it as trash, like how she did.

“You like them?” A smile twitched on Vivi’s face.

“I _love_ them.”

The word seems to trigger something in Vivi.

It was a word she never said about her art.

It was something she felt though, even if she denied it this entire time.

Her eyes began to water. She doesn’t like this feeling. She has worked so hard on moving on.

Maybe, this is what she needed though.

She’s thankful to see these pieces survive. She wants to hear Haseul talk about it though.

Vivi caves in. “What do you like about them?”

Haseul hums. “With the piece at the top, I feel like there’s a lot of layers to it. It’s a rose with a lot of detail, but what catches my eye is the colors. They are so vivid and I feel like it invokes a lot of emotions. I feel like the light colors represent love, the middle tones represent warmth, and the darker tones represent passion. As weird as it sounds, I just became attached to this piece because those are probably my favorite emotions and I wanted to keep it as a reminder.

“As for the second one, I think it tells a story. The character in this piece is transitioning, maybe from childhood to adulthood. She’s facing a certain direction, which must be her future. Everything behind her is the past. It’s clear that the girl has a lot to look forward to because of how many things are in front of her, but her past must’ve been hard to move on from since she was so detailed about the things behind her. I mean, there’s a city skyline and the artist drew every single window.

“Besides that, the piece kinda inspired me. I’m kinda hard on myself and I need to remind myself to see how far I’ve come. I also think I’m too serious about my future. Yeah, I want to bridge the gap between opera and pop music, but maybe I should have smaller goals, too, like I’ve always wanted to learn how to play the guitar or I want to learn how to cook _samgyetang_.”

Haseul turns to Vivi. “What do you think? You know more about visual arts than me.”

Vivi was having a hard time holding back her tears and emotions. She never thought her art could impact anyone that way. Haseul’s words were much more meaningful than simple compliments from people passing by or critiques from professors and peers.

She clears her throat. “I think you have a great interpretation for both pieces.

“With the rose, the artist really focused on passion.” She speaks slowly, almost as if she was getting lost in her own piece, “The background is vivid to showcase the strength of the color, but mixes in shade to show a desire to lose control. I would’ve never thought about love or warmth, but there is passion in love and warmth can come from passion. There’s also an unhealthy amount of detail in the rose. It’s in the shading, the inclusion of thorns and pollen on the flower, how the petals curl. The artist even used their own blood on this painting.” Vivi traces her finger over where she tried to smudge off her real blood.

There’s a new stain at the bottom right corner. She wonders if it’s from the dumpster or if Haseul possibly spilled someone on it. There were no ill feelings toward it, as it blended in well. As a matter of fact, it helped Vivi move on from the piece, knowing there were imperfections on it.

She moves onto the next piece. She doesn’t stop the memories from flooding in. Maybe Haseul would want to listen to them, just like she listened last night. “You’re right about this painting. It’s about her past and present. The things that were featured don’t really have too deep of a meaning though. The things in the past were only things in her memory. Everything in the future were things she wanted to try.”

“You sound like you know the artist,” Haseul teases.

Vivi’s hand grazes over her own signatures. They were traditional Chinese characters and finely drawn. “You could say that.” Suddenly, she remembers something. Something she didn’t remember when she was sorting through her portfolios.

Haseul cocks an eyebrow. “Oh? Would you mind letting me know who? I would like to thank them. Maybe ask why it was thrown away.”

“You can ask her at the next party.” Before Haseul can question that statement, Vivi takes the canvas of the bottom painting off of the wall. Haseul is about to object, but sees something that she hasn’t quite noticed before either.

It’s a short letter written in Cantonese.

_Dear future Vivi,  
This is your first final submission! It was hard, but you did really well! The professor even submitted it for a competition! I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you! I hope you got to try everything that you drew about._

A tear finally escaped Vivi’s right eye.

She takes a shaky breath. “It’s me.”

* * *

“What are you working on, Mrs. Wong?” Haseul pecks Vivi’s temple as she sits next to Vivi. She feeds a piece of apple to her wife.

Vivi chews on the apple slice. She’s a little preoccupied finishing the linework of her latest project. _Jokbal_ shouldn’t have this much detail put into it, but she’ll just say she’s paying homage to her previous style. “Just a little something,” she says after she swallows.

Haseul feeds her another apple slice and then chomps on her own.

“How are the kids today? Are they ready to debut?” Vivi stretches her hand.

Haseul sighs. “One of them developed vocal nodules. She’s taking a break, but I think the company might drop her.”

Vivi turns her head to Haseul, ignoring the pain in her neck. “Hey, this isn't your fault. You’re teaching your students very sustainable techniques. It’s up to them to follow them when you’re not around.” She grabs her hand and rubs comforting circles with her thumb.

The vocal teacher responds with a bitter smile. “I know. It’s just really rough seeing them struggle like this.”

Vivi’s smile falls a little, too. She picks up the fork and feeds Haseul an apple slice.

Vivi goes back to her drawing. She’s ready to start doing the linework for the middle portion of her piece.

For about 20 minutes, Haseul just watches Vivi work as she feeds her. It was slightly therapeutic to see Vivi draw. Her strides were smooth and controlled, as if her pen rolled like butter on a hot pan. Her thought process of lining, shading, and cleaning was systematic and almost effortless. Her breathing was steady. Haseul wasn’t sure what she liked staring at more: the concentrated look on Vivi’s face or the steady hands.

If only Vivi were like this all the time.

She knew Vivi enjoyed her life as a PR manager and interpreter for a large art gallery in Seoul, but she knew a part of Vivi still wanted to continue doing art.

_“Maybe one day in the future. It’s kinda cathartic knowing I have power over these artists' careers with the simple click of a button or a correct translation.” Vivi mischievously smiles. “Anyways, the only important art coming from me is on our walls. Only special people get to view this exclusive gallery.”_

Haseul hopes Heejin can convince her to make a debut, but it really is up to Vivi in the end.

“Is that me and Yeojinnie?” Haseul points at the two figures running in front of the drawing version of Vivi.

Vivi chuckles. “Of course. You guys are part of my future.”

Haseul tries to ignore the corny statement, but the pink tint on her cheeks are very visible. “You really nailed her pigtails.”

“They’re hard to draw, but our baby girl pulls them off well.”

Vivi’s finished doing the linework of her two favorite people. She starts shading and adding texture. She’s thankful that she kept her natural hair color, because the idea of shading pink or strawberry blond hair was something she didn’t want to deal with at the moment.

After checking the time, Haseul decides her break with Vivi was over. “Don’t stay up too late. Yeojin’s a light sleeper and she doesn’t like seeing you with Band-Aids. I don’t even know why you still get blisters.” She stands up and begins walking away.

“Haseul,” Vivi calls out. Her wife stops at the door, waiting for a follow up. They lock eyes. “Thank you.” They’re simple words that she’s said a million times, but always means it.

After being married to Vivi for seven years, Haseul knows that look on her face means she’s going to get sappy.

“Yeah, yeah. ‘Thank you for meeting me at the party. Thank you for marrying me. Thank you for adopting Yeojin together. Thank you for keeping your art.’ Yes, thank you, too, my love. Can you also help clean up Yeojin’s toys and put her to bed?”

Vivi rolls her eyes and smiles. “I’ll even make breakfast in bed when I’m done with this.”

Haseul is out the door. “Wow! Can’t wait! If that’ll ever happen, Miss Queen of Work-In-Progresses!”

After two more hours, Vivi finishes the linework. It’s only 10:30PM so Yeojin won’t be cranky when she slips into bed with them.

Usually, she would add this piece to the growing pile of work-in-progresses that Haseul teased her about. Tonight, she leaves it on her drafting table. She’s definitely going to finish it. It’s a promise she made herself during her freshman year of college. Who knows when, but it doesn’t matter since she doesn’t have a deadline to meet.

She holds up the watercolor paper to inspect if she had missed any details. She admires her work.

Remembering she has an important meeting with a panel from China in a few days, she hopes she can get back to her studio sooner than later. She looks forward to coloring in Yeojin’s uniform and the old department building.

Vivi may have given up a dream, but she was given a beautiful reality and she wouldn’t replace it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it! 
> 
> I wrote a blogpost going in depth about the theme of this story and potential spin-offs. (Do you want to know about how 2jin came to be or what's Jungeun's relationship with Heevi? Inspiration for this story?) Please check it out [here](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Zm_k9wcIkkDPGgqShVl3L7ApcP3RDtihrf9zaaNvQ80/edit?usp=sharing).
> 
> Feel free to leave of comment here or anonymously on [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/LittlePanduh)!
> 
> also, lets be moots on twt: @littlepanduh !
> 
> Stay safe and healthy everyone! <3


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